He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Is it because I queefed?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
