It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
