i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
