I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
