Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
