How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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