I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
