No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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