I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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