im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
