someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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