Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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