For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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