No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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