I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am naked and annoyed.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
