Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
