He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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