Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
