How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
