I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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