I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
