We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
