Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
