she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
