It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
