She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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