Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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