Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
