My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
