i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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