Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My ass is underappreciated
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
