you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
