before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
