i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
