well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
