i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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