I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
