it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
