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I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
