just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
