My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
