take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
