who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
