Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
