if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
