I cannot find my penis.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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