Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
