Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize