Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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