It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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