Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
