ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
