I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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