It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I am available for nakedness
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
