Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
