I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm like, not good at living.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize