my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
