allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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