She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
