i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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