it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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