I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
