Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My feet surprised me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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