A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
