we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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